Be still

I was somewhat taken aback when I saw “Black Friday” Christmas specials being advertised the day after Halloween. Since when is that retail free-for-all associated with trick-or-treat instead of Thanksgiving?! Yes, it seems the Christmas rush has started even earlier than usual. Don’t get me wrong, this is one of my favorite seasons. My daughter Mary’s late-October birthday officially kicks off our family’s holiday celebrations, which include Thanksgiving and my mom’s birthday in November and my and granddaughter Lyla’s birthdays and Christmas in December. Then there’s New Year’s, straddled by a month’s worth of college football playoffs and bowl games. (In addition to faith and flowers, college football happens to be one of my other passions!)

Yet, even though I enjoy the festivities associated with all these happy occasions, I, like many others, struggle not to feel overwhelmed by my calendar and my to-do list. When I was employed full-time, I would think, “If only I could have the whole month of December off . . .” Well, technically, I’m always “off” these days, but I often quote a long-time friend who I worked with for many years, “I’m so busy now that I’m retired, I wonder how I ever had time to work!”

And so, as I wrote in my last post, it gets back to what I choose to focus on and Who I choose to please. A number of things combined yesterday to disquiet my outlook. As I fell asleep last night, I was still mulling over everything I have to do in the days ahead plus the possibility of taking on some other commitments. I certainly wasn’t following Jesus’ mandate not to worry about tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I was worrying about several weeks’ worth of tomorrows plus things that haven’t even officially made it onto my list of obligations!

Zephaniah 3:17 says “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” What an amazing verse! Imagine, the Lord of all creation quiets us as a mother calms her beloved child. Sometimes I think he must sing over me while I sleep. When I woke up this morning, one of the first things that came to my mind was Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” With his help, I’ve tried to focus on him today, enjoying the beauty of his handiwork which is exuberantly exalting him with a vibrant array of fall colors. I hope you’ll enjoy the following collage of images. May they help you to be still as well.

 

Where’s your focus?

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.” Helen H. Lemmel

In landscaping, a specimen plant can be used to create a focal point. To merit such a special role, the plant generally has some unique or impressive attribute. I described one such example, my beloved crape myrtle, in my last post. Depending on the season, its size, exfoliating bark and/or flower-laden branches command attention. It’s often the first thing people notice when they stop by to visit.

Just as experienced landscapers carefully select specimen plants to create garden-enhancing focal points, we need to take great care in choosing what we focus on moment-by-moment and day-by-day as we go about our lives. We’re all surrounded by varying demands, requiring action or decisions on our part. The weight of responsibility and pace of life can frequently result in a sense of disquiet and anxiety, especially if we concentrate on our circumstances. But what if we could shift our focus to something, or better yet, Someone, who offers peace amidst all the hustle and bustle?

The apostle Peter learned much about the importance of choosing wisely when it comes to deciding what to focus on. In the well-known account of him walking on water (Matthew 14:22-32), Peter was able to perform the miraculous feat as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, Lord, save me! Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.” (verses 30-31)

Likewise, when Jesus and his disciples visited the home of Martha and Mary, “Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.” Not only was she preoccupied with the details involved with feeding her guests, she became quite exasperated when her sister, Mary, decided to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to his teaching instead of helping. In fact, Martha was so annoyed she asked Jesus to tell Mary to assist with the meal. To her surprise and possibly dismay, she was the one who received a gentle rebuke: “Martha, Martha”, the Lord answered, “you are worried about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42)

Similarly, as recounted in Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus told his listeners not to worry about what they would eat or drink or wear, but to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (verses 33-34)

So, does this mean we shouldn’t take care of ourselves and our loved ones or tend to the details of our lives? Of course not! There will always be demands on our time and resources, meals to be prepared, laundry to be washed and folded, bills to be paid. But, instead of becoming anxious and afraid, burdened and weighed down by focusing on our circumstances, we need to “turn our eyes upon Jesus”. Earlier, I described a specimen plant as one that usually has an impressive or unique attribute. In four brief but very rich verses, Hebrews 1:1-4 declares a number of Jesus’ amazing, matchless characteristics. He is the Son of God, the radiance of God’s glory, heir of all things, superior to the angels. Not only was everything created through him, but he sustains all things through his powerful word. He’s seated at God’s right hand, interceding for us (Romans 8:34).

Jesus, our Lord and Savior, is supremely worthy to be our focal point. We can rest in the assurance of all he’s done for us and all he’s promised to do for us, confident he’ll never leave us or forsake us.

 

Very Hungry Caterpillars

“The caterpillar ate through one nice green leaf, and after that he felt much better.”
Eric Carle

Getting to study horticulture the past three years has given me the opportunity to be introduced to lots of interesting new (to me) plants. Passiflora incarnata is one such plant. One of its common names, passion flower, alludes to the fact that some of the components of its wonderfully complex flowers have been likened to various aspects of the passion of Christ. According to the Floridata website, “The name, Passiflora or ‘passion flower’, was given by 16th century Spanish missionaries in South America who thought they saw a reference to the Crucifixion of Christ in the elaborate flower structures: the corona, sitting at the top of the flower, is the crown of thorns; the five anthers are the five wounds; the three styles are the three nails; and the five petals and five sepals are the apostles, less Judas and Peter.” (The two apostles who betrayed Jesus – Judas to the utmost and Peter only temporarily.)Passiflora incarnata

 

I decided the stunning flowers would make a lovely addition to my garden and planted a small vine next to my mailbox. I watched as the vine grew, wrapping tiny tendrils around support stakes as it went. I searched daily for buds, which finally appeared. Sadly, for some enigmatic reason, all but two failed to produce the much anticipated and hoped-for flowers. Instead, my Passiflora produced a bounty of a different kind . . .

In addition to the beautiful flowers, I learned Passiflora serves as a host plant for the larva of the Gulf fritillary, a lovely bright orange butterfly with black markings. The Gulf fritillary is so-named because of its migration across the Gulf of Mexico. Sure enough, one morning when I went out to get my newspaper, I spied the first of what would be several waves of caterpillars to feast on my vine. Although the orange caterpillars don’t sting, they have rows of soft black spines. The black and orange stripes warn potential predators of their toxicity and so, even though my little crop of caterpillars was munching away in plain view, the birds left them alone to eat and grow. And eat and grow some more!An early caterpillar

I delighted in watching the caterpillars, checking on them every morning when I went to retrieve my newspaper and every afternoon when I went to the mailbox. Then one afternoon they were all gone. The first group, in its entirety, had disappeared in the four hours or so between my two daily treks down the driveway. Search as I might over the next few days, I couldn’t find any of the chrysalises. Soon more tiny but ravenous caterpillars appeared and started munching their way through the remaining leaves.A late catepillar

Noticing the bedraggled appearance of my vine, a well-meaning friend asked what I was planning to use to “take care of” the voracious intruders. I explained that the caterpillars would turn into butterflies and I was willing to sacrifice my plant so they could complete their life cycle. As a matter of fact, I was rather in awe of the ability of the mother butterflies to find my vine in the first place. It was small (and getting smaller every day), the only Passiflora on my property and possibly the only one for miles around. Yet because of the innate capability God instilled in them, the fritillaries found, and deposited their eggs on, the only genus of plant their caterpillars feed on. After some more cycles of hatching and eating, there were no more leaves (or buds) left on the vine and the subsequent generations were left to eat the stem. As I watched them gnawing away, I could only imagine that the stem was much tougher than the tender leaves.

With each successive hatching, there were fewer and fewer caterpillars, probably due to the dwindling food supply. The last hatching yielded only one caterpillar. I checked on him from time to time as I worked in my garden last Saturday afternoon, watching as he valiantly stripped and then ate the outer, green layer of the vine. A couple of days before I noticed a Passiflora seedling had sprouted not too far from the mother plant. After some deliberation, I decided to gently remove the solitary caterpillar from the leafless vine and place him on the seedling, which already had several leaves. I held my breath as I watched him crawl down the short stem of the seedling, hoping I hadn’t confused him when I disrupted his resolute consumption of the tough vine. Fortunately, my fears were unfounded. After a few seconds of exploration he settled in at the base of one of the leaves and resumed eating. I continued to check on him throughout the afternoon, content to see him making headway on the tender leaf.

A tasty last mealThe next morning, when I looked at the seedling, there were two half-eaten leaves but no sign of the caterpillar. I smiled, hoping the leaves had provided a tasty last meal for him before he crawled off to spin his chrysalis.

Over the past month, I’ve seen a number of Gulf fritillaries fluttering about in my garden, no doubt the result of some of the caterpillars I took such joy in watching eat and grow. It was worth sacrificing my Passiflora although knowing how that particular vine can spread around and having already found several more seedlings, I’m hoping next year there will be enough to feed a passel of hungry caterpillars AND provide some exotic flowers for me to enjoy!

As I considered how the Gulf fritillaries faithfully laid their eggs on the right plant, thereby providing the proper food for their offspring, I was reminded that God has provided his Word, both written and in the flesh, to nourish us spiritually. Jesus quoted the Old Testament when he resisted Satan’s temptation to “turn stones into bread” so He could satisfy his hunger after forty days and nights in the wilderness, saying, “Man does not live by bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God”. (Matthew 4:4) Later in his ministry, He referred to himself as the “true bread from heaven”, saying, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6:35)

My thoughts also turned to the very hungry caterpillar in the beloved children’s book of the same name by Eric Carle. For the first six days of his existence, the storybook caterpillar ate everything that appealed to him, eventually giving himself a stomach ache. It wasn’t until day seven, when he “ate through one nice green leaf” that he felt better. Like the caterpillar in Carle’s book, we are tempted to feed on many things other than the spiritual nourishment God has provided and, similarly, we often find those things to be poor substitutes for the sustenance we need and crave. Instead, may we be as single-minded as the determined Gulf fritillary caterpillars to seek out and consume our designated food, being fully satisfied by the sufficiency of the Word. Gulf fritillary butterfly

This is my Father’s world

“This is my Father’s world, and to my listening ears.
All nature sings, and round me rings, the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world; I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas – His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world, the birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white, declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world: He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass, He speaks to me everywhere.”
(Lyrics by Maltbie D. Babcock)

There was a hint of fall in the air, as cooler temperatures, lower humidity and a gentle breeze graced this lovely day. I spent way too much time inside this past week so it was easy to acquiesce to the desire to head outside. Besides, I needed some garden therapy. As I mentioned when I first launched this blog, God often ministers to me through the beauty of his creation. And so it was today as I listened to the twittering of the birds (the original “twitterers”!), felt the warmth of the sun and heard the laughter of the neighbors’ children as they exulted over numerous butterflies flitting around the cul de sac.

After mowing, edging and weeding, I engaged in a tradition my late husband, Ray, and I started years ago. I “walked the property”. Now I must tell you, my property consists of a whopping 1/3 acre in a subdivision, but I take great delight in strolling this small piece of land God has entrusted to my care, seeking out the gifts He leaves for me to find. Not only am I aware of God’s presence, but I feel a connection to Ray as many things he planted continue to flourish. And I sense the love of friends who’ve helped me care for and add to my garden since Ray’s passing. Yes, in spite of its diminutive size relative to more renowned botanical wonderlands, my tiny estate brings me great joy.

Following is a photo gallery of some of the treasures I discovered today. I hope seeing them will bring a smile to your face as they did to mine. And may we say with the writer of I Chronicles, “Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise.”

 

 

 

Family Resemblance

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

Before I got the opportunity to study horticulture, I would look at leaves when trying to identify trees.  Even then I was only familiar with the leaf shapes traditionally associated with plants such as oaks, maples and hollies. I now realize there are many different species in those genera, some with leaf shapes people typically associate with those trees and some fairly dissimilar.  I’ve also learned that even though botanists consider leaves and stems when classifying plants, they use fruit and flowers, the reproductive parts of plants, to group them into families. I don’t know if it’s my eye for detail or my love of family, (maybe some of both!) but I enjoy recognizing similarities in the flower structures of different plants and then checking to see if they’re in the same family.

Just like plants can be identified by their fruit, Jesus told his disciples people would be known by their fruit. Because of the amazing grace of God and Jesus’s sacrifice on our behalf, we’re part of God’s family and, as such, we’re called to resemble Jesus, “the firstborn among many brothers”. (Romans 8:29) Fortunately, we are enabled to become more and more like him through the power of the Spirit, whose fruit is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

Not only are we called on to “produce fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:8), we’re instructed to impress God’s commands on our children. “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:7). In other words, telling our children about God, his directives, his covenant and his character should be woven into the daily ebb and flow of life, not just reserved for Sunday school, and we must endeavor to teach by example, not just words.

As is probably true of most parents, when my daughters were young, I used to wish they’d always be as happy and carefree as they were during those pre-school years. At the very least, I yearned to protect them from adversity and pain. I have similar feelings now when I look at my precious grandchildren. Yet I know life can be difficult and no one makes it through without some measure of grief, disappointment, and hardship. But God, in his providence, often uses our most trying times to draw us closer to himself, teaching us experientially that we can trust him no matter what. And that, in turn, is what I most want my children and grandchildren to know. There is a Father who loves us. There is a Son who we are to resemble. There is a world in great need of the fruit we’re called to bear.

In a moment, take 2

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,  a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

The last few months have brought several life-changing moments that, in turn, have led to times shaded by weeping and mourning for me and people close to me. Yet I know there will be times when laughter and dancing predominate again and so I want to reflect upon some past moments which led to great joy.

One such moment occurred on Thanksgiving Day, 2010. Our extended family was sitting around the table, chatting amiably, having enjoyed a delicious meal of smoked turkey and our favorite side dishes. My daughter, Mary, said she and my son-in-law, Justin, had news to share. My heart leapt! Could it be the announcement of an impending birth? Sure enough, Mary passed around an ultrasound photo and confirmed we could look forward to the arrival of a new family member the following July. At that point, Baby was roughly the size of a blueberry, but my eyes still welled up with happy tears knowing there was a new person to love.

The weeks passed and sometime toward the end of January, I got a phone call from Mary and Justin letting me know Baby was a boy.  Later that evening, Mary texted, “We’re going to name him Joshua Patrick.” In that instant, I fell in love with him! Not that I hadn’t been happily anticipating his advent since first peering at the ultrasound photo and trying to figure out exactly where the baby was, but now I knew who I was waiting for and my heart prepared a place for him. Little did I know then how much joy and love Joshua would add to my life or that I would lose my job a few days after receiving Mary’s text, making it possible to spend time with him on a regular basis and bond with him in a way I wouldn’t have been able to if I’d been employed full-time. He became my study buddy from his earliest days, sitting in his little seat by the table while I reviewed notes for plant ID classes and watching intently from his stroller as I collected weed specimens for my pest notebook when we went for walks.

Fast forward to April 20th, 2013 and another family gathering, my dad’s birthday celebration. It, too, would be punctuated by a joyful moment, as Mary and Justin informed us we could anticipate a very special Christmas present – another new family member! This time however, instead of thinking of the baby in gender-neutral terms, I consistently thought of “her” from the start. My premonition was confirmed at Joshua’s birthday party in July when Mary announced Baby was indeed a girl. I was glad Mary had shared the selected name a few days before the party – “IF it’s a girl, Mom, we plan to name her Lyla Ray in memory of Dad” – since even typing that sentence now causes bittersweet tears to spring to my eyes. Similar tears of joy mingled with sorrow flowed when I first held Lyla and longed for her grandfather to be there to cuddle her too.

Today Joshua is a boisterous, intelligent 3-year old with an amazing vocabulary. He assigns me roles in his elaborate make-believe scenarios and warms my heart with detailed recounting of his Sunday school lessons. Lyla is an eight-month old bundle of smiles and determination, happily exploring her world and delighting me with tiny hands that reach for me when I liberate her from her crib after nap time or bend to steady her as she pulls herself up.

Amidst the sorrows and losses of this life, God blesses us with life-changing moments of joy as well as tender occasions that give us glimpses of what we not only long for but are assured of because of another birth announcement 2000 years ago:  “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:10-11) That baby grew to be a man of sorrows who was familiar with suffering. He took our flesh upon himself. He understands how hard this life can be and encouraged his followers, saying,“In this world you will have trouble. But be of good cheer! I have overcome the world.” Furthermore, He’s promised to never leave us or forsake us and even now He’s preparing a place for us where there will be no more loss or pain or grief. And so I treasure the moments of joy and love and tenderness we’re allowed to experience here. They remind me of the time when every tear will be wiped away and we will rejoice forever in the presence of the One who loves us more than we can imagine.

In a moment

“In a moment things can change. One look behind and it’s never the same.” These words from the song “All Kinds of People” by Susan Ashton are simple yet profound. I’ve had moments in my life that were truly life-changing; moments that caused me to quote the lyrics from this song; moments like the one seventeen years ago when I was told my husband was no longer alive . . .

It was April 19, 1997. We were having an early spring and the warmer-than-usual weather had my young daughters, Mary, 10, and Jessie, 7, clamoring for new swim suits. Even though I knew we’d  likely  have another cold snap or two before the warm weather settled in for good, I agreed to take them shopping. My husband, Ray, department head of inside gardening at a local Home Depot store, was scheduled to work from 1pm to 10pm so, after we finished lunch, we headed off to the mall. Several hours later, having acquired the swim suits (and most likely some other new clothes), stopping for dinner and picking up bread and milk, we were on our way back home. Picking up bread and milk may seem like a terribly trivial thing to remember after so many years, but Ray would often stop on his way home from work to pick up any essentials we were lacking. He took good care of his girls – all three of us – so I was looking forward to surprising him with the news he could come straight home that night.

Strong thunderstorms moved into the area as we made our way home.  When we arrived we went directly upstairs to watch the “Local on the 8’s” on the Weather Channel to make sure no tornados were headed our way. Our focus on the weather resulted in us bypassing the answering machine which held multiple messages from someone named Chris from Kennestone Hospital. We hadn’t been home five minutes when the phone rang. It was Chris, calling again from the emergency room to tell me Ray had been taken there from work and asking if I had anyone who could bring me to the hospital. I assured her I could drive myself and asked what was wrong. She wouldn’t give me any details, just asked me to get there as soon as possible.  It wasn’t until I was half-way there that I realized her asking if someone could bring me probably wasn’t a good sign. I prayed all the way to the hospital, fervently hoping Ray wasn’t dead and attempting to console Mary and Jessie who were trying to be brave, but were terribly concerned about their much-loved father.

When we reached the hospital, Chris, the patient care specialist, met us in the emergency area and led us to a private room. As we walked down the corridor, she calmly asked me questions: Did Ray have a history of heart problems?; Was he on any medications?; Was he under a doctor’s care? Her composure and questions renewed my hope that Ray was, indeed, alive. When we got to the room, she told me the doctor would be in to talk to me. I asked tentatively, “Can’t you at least tell me if he’s alive?” She paused, oh so briefly, before saying, “I’m sorry, honey, he isn’t.” A massive heart attack had felled my life partner a little over two months after his 39th birthday. And with that, my life changed forever. I cried out, “God, no!” and sank to the sofa as Mary and Jessie dissolved into tears of their own, all of us incredulous. Hadn’t we seen our beloved husband and father a few short hours before, alive and well? He just went to work. How could it be he’d never return to us?

Then, just as suddenly, it was as if a giant door slammed shut. I couldn’t take the news in all at once or it would have crushed me. Instead the truth gradually penetrated my soul, drop by drop, over a period of weeks and months as I was able to accept it.

Yet somehow I had to deal with the unwanted reality that had been thrust upon me. There were immediate needs to be tended to: phone calls to family members and our pastor, decisions regarding the visitation and funeral services, picking a final resting place. Details of that week are burned into my memory: being surrounded by family and friends; being upheld by prayers so ardent they were tangible; speaking at Ray’s funeral; saying a final goodbye to him in a little cemetery in North Carolina.

It was a time of great sorrow, yet I felt the love and concern of so many who comforted and helped out in very practical ways. Some provided lodging for out-of-town relatives; others prepared and served lunch after the funeral. Our children’s minister took Mary and Jessie to Wednesday night activities at church so they could have a bit of normalcy amidst the upheaval. Then there was the friend who arrived the day after Ray’s death and quietly asked if I’d contacted a funeral home yet. When I, still in a mild state of shock, replied “No”, he spent the next couple of hours calling funeral homes for me and gathering necessary information.

Through the turmoil, grief, and tears, God was my refuge and strength.  He was my ever present help that week and has remained so to this day. I’ve said many times since Ray’s all-too-soon-for-me death,  had there been a sign-up sheet at church with the heading “Get to Know God Better by Losing Your Husband”, I never would have put my name on the list, but God, in His providence, saw fit to do so. I can testify to the fact He’s been a defender of this widow and a Father to my fatherless girls, faithfully providing and protecting, all the years we’ve been without our earthly husband and father.

There have been other life-changing moments since, one fairly recent, though none has been as devastating as the one when I learned of Ray’s death.  Each time I’ve gone back to the garden for solace. I know I’ll find my loving Father there, for He’s promised to never leave me or forsake me.

What about the little things?

Losing a job is a BIG deal, but what about smaller events, details that matter to me, yet are miniscule in the overall scheme of life? I’ve had countless reminders God cares about those too . . . like the presumed demise of my prized trillium.

Two years ago, some friends came over to assist with yard work. Things had gotten ahead of me, to say the least, so the extra help was greatly appreciated. I tried to supervise the various activities as my helpers diligently labored on their assigned tasks. Nevertheless, there was too much going on for me to keep track of everyone and, in spite of good intentions, a few things were damaged. During my post-work session walkaround, I was especially dismayed to find no sign of my trillium, a cherished wild flower salvaged years before during a plant rescue. One of the fellows used a leaf blower to clear several of the beds, not realizing my spring ephemerals, including the trillium, were too fragile to be subjected to the gale force winds created by that piece of equipment. Not only was I heart broken, I’d have to wait until the following year to see if it would come back.

Exhibiting one of my favorite characteristics of plants, perseverance, the trillium did indeed return the next spring, even bigger and more beautiful than before. However, imagine my surprise and delight this year when not only did the mama trillium reappear, but a number of babies came up in the woods. The most logical explanation for the presence of those new trilliums, located below and many feet from the mother plant?: “seed dispersion by leaf blower”! Once again, God took something I thought was a loss and turned it into a gift, a cause for joy and celebration.

I know Almighty God will handle the big things. After all, He raised Jesus from the dead, makes the sun rise and set and holds all things together. Yet this all-powerful God sees me, loves me and repeatedly stoops to bless me in tiny, intimate ways. Each time He does so, I’m humbled and amazed that Almighty God is also Abba, Father, “Daddy”.

Working all things together for good

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

This is one of my go-to verses, one I turn to repeatedly for reassurance. Having made my profession of faith almost 40 years ago, I have plenty of life experiences that confirm the veracity of this verse. Even when things are bleak, even when I don’t understand, even when I can’t see how good could possibly come from a given situation or series of events, God is at work to accomplish what will be most glorifying to him and most beneficial to me. Following is one such example.

I was blessed to be continually employed by a large corporation for just over 30 years. I had an interesting and challenging job and a good salary and benefits package, critically important when I became the sole source of support for my daughters after my husband, Ray, died. As with anything in life, my job had its ups and downs over the years, but things took a downward turn the last year I worked and didn’t recover. I was assigned to a new manager. In a time when layoffs were happening on a regular basis and with two children of her own to support, I began to feel like she wanted to make sure she was the last woman standing. Bit by bit, my role was diminished. I was left out of meetings, told I could no longer travel to visit customers (some of whom I’d called on for almost 20 years), and wasn’t given meaningful work to do. I became increasingly frustrated. And I was ANGRY!

By the time the July 4th holiday approached, I’d been working for the new manager for almost seven months. As was often the case, I took the week of the 4th off. Attempting to regain some perspective, I spent most of my vacation reading my Bible, praying, journaling and working in my yard. Gradually, as the week passed, God reminded me He, not my manager, was in control. When I returned to work, the situation remained unchanged, but I tried to stay focused on the truth that God was indeed in control. I continued to pray for wisdom. Was God allowing things to become so miserable I’d leave or did He want me to remain and be a “life-giver” in a difficult environment, learning patience and humility along the way?

The answer came on January 26, 2011. My annual review was scheduled for that afternoon and things had gotten so bad I told my family I fully expected to be terminated or put on probation. I sat across the table from my manager and her boss as she said, “I know you’re expecting to have your review, but you won’t be having it because your job has been eliminated.” My first thought was, “This is really happening”, my second was, “Thank you, Lord, for giving me a black and white answer.” I turned in my badge, my computer, my keys. And just like that, a 30-year career was over. No retirement lunch. No goodbyes. No celebrations.

God had other plans. Over the years since Ray died,  as I cared for the beautiful garden he started, God was quietly, tenderly nurturing a new dream in me. A few months before my job was eliminated, I checked out the website of a local technical school while I sat in my cube eating lunch. When I read through the class descriptions for the horticulture program, my desire to take those courses was so strong I wrote on a sticky note: “My dream: Environmental Horticulture Diploma, Horticulturist Specialty”. I stuck it in the back of my planner, thinking it was unlikely, but treasuring my dream nonetheless. A mere two days after my job was eliminated I contacted the admissions office at Chattahoochee Tech and started the process of enrolling. I received my diploma eighteen months later.

Not only did God take the pain of losing my job and work it for good, He did far more than I could ask or imagine. Going back to school was an amazing, unexpected gift and having a more flexible schedule allowed me to spend time on a regular basis with my first grandchild, Joshua, who was born in July 2011. He became my study buddy from his earliest days. I delight in telling him about plants and, as he grows up, I look forward to telling him about his very special grandfather and God’s faithfulness to me and to our family.

My diploma with original sticky note attached.

My diploma with original sticky note attached.