Relationships

Finding Meaning in Suffering

/ Patsy Kuipers / Leave a comment

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (Emphasis mine)

Comforting Others

These verses are among my favorite passages in all of Scripture. They contain God’s promise to comfort me and remind me to share that comfort with others, thereby giving meaning to my suffering. 

It will soon be 30 years since I sat in an adult Sunday school class and listened as a friend requested prayer for her sister who had lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack. I was truly sorry for her family’s loss and prayed for them in the days that followed. A month later, my sympathy turned to empathy when I lost my 39-year-old husband, also to a heart attack. I no longer had to imagine what it must be like; I knew firsthand what it feels like to receive shocking news and to wander through your days, numb, with a part of yourself missing.

Ray died at work on a Saturday evening, so the pastors of our church shared the news with the congregation the following morning. I called my manager and my elementary-aged daughter’s teacher. Soon, my house overflowed with people from church, work, and school, some bringing food, all wanting to offer hugs and sincere sympathy.

Though I appreciated every visitor, two came that day who understood our pain better than most: one of my daughter’s best friends and her mother. They had lost their young dad and husband to brain cancer the year before.

My dear friend Sharon Betters, who lost her 16-year-old son in a car accident, says that our losses become our credentials, providing credibility as we point others to the God of all comfort who has comforted us. In the years since Ray’s sudden death, I’ve had the opportunity to come alongside other widows as one who understands, as one who can assure them that God keeps His promises. Promises to never leave or forsake us, to be a protector of widows and their fatherless children.

Sharing in Christ’s Suffering

Elisabeth Elliot’s definition of suffering – having what you don’t want or wanting what you don’t have[1] – reminds us that there are plenty of opportunities to suffer. 

Too often, I think of Christ’s suffering in terms of the events that happened after he was arrested – being betrayed, falsely accused, mocked, beaten, and crucified – yet His suffering actually began when He left His Father’s side, took on flesh, and dwelt among us in our broken, sin-scarred world.

Thus, the writer of the letter to the Hebrews assures us that we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin and encourages us to draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:15-16).

Continuing in his letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul writes, “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too,” which brings us back to the assurance that God doesn’t reserve His comfort for times of direst need. He is the God of all comfort, a loving Father who invites us to bring our hurts to Him, even those we consider too small to bother Him with.

Depending on God

After assuring his readers of God’s abundant comfort, Paul goes on to describe an arduous experience he had in Asia: “Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:9).

Bible teacher Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth[2] often says, “Anything that makes me need God is a blessing,” echoing the sentiment found in Paul’s statement.

When things are going well, it’s so easy to think, “I’ve got it all under control,” but no matter how smooth or trying our circumstances are, God is the One in control. Sometimes He needs to remind us not to be self-confident and self-reliant, but Christ-confident and God-reliant.

I’ve admitted many times that if there had been a sign-up sheet with the heading, “Get to Know God Better by Losing Your Husband,” I wouldn’t have put my name on it. But God did. Because He did, I’ve learned to depend on Him in ways I never would have if Ray had been with me. Finding Him to be absolutely, unreservedly faithful has strengthened and solidified my testimony. I can say with the hymn writer:

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er . . . I’m so glad I learned to trust Him, Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend; And I know that He is with me, will be with me to the end.[3]

Dear Father, I will not seek trouble or intentionally cause myself pain; however, when trials come, I’m so thankful to know they pass through Your loving hand first. I trust You to use them to accomplish Your purposes for Your glory, enabling me to comfort others, share in Christ’s sufferings, and depend on You, the One who has the power to conquer death and every other lesser problem.

[1] Elisabeth Elliot, Suffering Is Never for Nothing (B&H Publishing Group, 2019), 9.

[2] Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is the founder and lead Bible teacher for Revive Our Hearts, a ministry dedicated to calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

[3] From “’Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus,” public domain.

Remember!

/ Patsy Kuipers / Leave a comment

Be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
Deuteronomy 6:12

Dolly Parton’s passing has affected me more than I expected. Tears have welled up off and on as I’ve read about her life, watched clips of tributes from people around the world, and reflected on the good she did for so many.

Reading and watching have reminded me how important it is to remember where we’ve come from, not just physically but also spiritually.

Remembering Dolly

Dolly never forgot her humble upbringing, her people, or what it felt like to be made fun of for being poor. Thus, it’s no surprise that so many of her philanthropic efforts focused on education, healthcare, disaster relief, and community support. Dolly began her book giveaway, “Imagination Library,”[1] in honor of her father, who couldn’t read. She donated millions of dollars to help people after the devastating wildfires in Tennessee in 2016 and again after Hurricane Helene ravaged parts of western North Carolina in 2024.

Dolly wanted to help people succeed, to give them hope and a hand up. She shared generously from her bounty, not seeking payback or glory for herself, but out of a sincere desire to make the world a better place. Despite her great accomplishments, she remembered where she came from and remained grounded in her beginnings.

Remembering God

As I’ve been reading through Deuteronomy, I’ve noticed how often God told His people to remember how He delivered them when they were slaves in Egypt. He also commanded them to recall how He sustained them throughout 40 years of wandering in the wilderness. He provided manna and water, and their clothes and shoes didn’t even wear out.

His call to remember included a warning:

When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery (Deuteronomy 6:10-12).

God was not only their deliverer, but also their benefactor, the Giver of all good gifts (James 1:17).

In addition to His admonitions to remember, God told His people to be kind and compassionate toward the most vulnerable among them – widows, the fatherless, and sojourners, reminding them that they, too, had been sojourners in Egypt (Exodus 22:21-22; Deuteronomy 24:17-22).

These reminders sound a lot like the second greatest commandment – love your neighbor as yourself – and the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. They also sound a lot like Dolly. She showed great compassion for people the world might have overlooked or deemed unimportant, people who could never repay her.

Remembering our Identity

We, too, were slaves before God rescued us and transferred us from the kingdom of darkness into His eternal Kingdom (Colossians 1:13). Even now, we are sojourners, making our way Home. While we are here, we’re to be His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:19-20).

Few of us will ever have a platform as big as Dolly’s, much less the material riches she had, but God has entrusted each of us with talents, abilities, material resources, and spiritual gifts. He has intentionally placed us in our particular place and time (Acts 17:26) to use what He has given us to glorify Him, to benefit others, and to bring the aroma of Christ to those around us. The good works He’s prepared for us will look different from person to person, yet they’re all important in God’s big story (Ephesians 2:10).

A Fitting Memorial

Dolly wasn’t vocal or outspoken about her faith, and she resisted being drawn into religious debates. Instead, she lived out her beliefs, putting them into action to benefit others (1 John 3:18). I have no way to express my sympathy to her family in any meaningful way, but I believe making my little part of the world a better place is a fitting memorial.

Ultimately, it will be a tribute to the One who is the source of everything I am and have, from my salvation to my next breath; every ability and material resource. The One whom I can never repay.

Once I was lost, but now I’m found; blind, but now I see.[2]  O Lord, please help me to always remember!

[1]  The program mails free, high-quality books directly to children from birth to age five. Since it began in 1995, the program has distributed more than 330 million books across the US, Canada, the UK, Ireland, and Australia.

[2] From “Amazing Grace,” lyrics by John Newton, 1779.

A Beautiful Bouquet

/ Patsy Kuipers / Leave a comment

To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.
1 Corinthians 12:7

Flowers for Church

The ten days from July 31st to August 9th are filled with cheerful family milestones, including birthdays and wedding anniversaries. Although most of the people associated with those dates are no longer with us, I rejoice in their contributions to our family and strive to carry on their legacy of love and faith. So, as in years past, I arranged a bouquet for our Sunday morning church service last week, in gratitude to God for the gifts of marriage and family.

I envisioned a classic arrangement of red roses and baby’s breath, but the store I frequent didn’t have any attractive roses. Several pre-made bouquets caught my eye, and soon I was collecting flowers in the same colors they featured – white, lavender, and pink.

After arranging the flowers the next day, I stepped back to admire one of the prettiest, most vibrant bouquets I’ve ever created for church.

Body Building

It would take last Sunday’s sermon to help me see an analogy that had never occurred to me before, which is surprising because I see so many parallels between Scriptural principles and gardening.

Our pastor preached from 1 Corinthians 12:1-15, a passage in which the Apostle Paul admonishes the Corinthian believers not to boast about their spiritual gifts. They have nothing to brag about because the gifts are from God, appointed to each as He saw fit, to be used for their mutual benefit and for the building up of the Church, for His glory, not theirs.

Furthermore, in Paul’s body analogy, it’s clear that every part is necessary, even those we might consider unimportant or less glamorous. As someone who’s broken their pinky toe, I can attest that even a digit that small makes itself known when it’s not functioning properly.

Which brings me back to my bouquet. It contained relatively inexpensive, and what some consider unexceptional, flowers, including carnations and mums. But when they came together, they were no longer ordinary. They created a beautiful whole.

Unpretentious

Once my thoughts headed down that path, they meandered into the garden, and I began to ponder how flowers glorify their Creator by being what He created them to be. Some are showy, immediately drawing our attention, while others are barely visible and require us to be intentional about taking time to notice them. Some are long-lasting, delightfully changing colors as they age, while others bloom for only a day before withering and making way for other buds to open. Some attract bees who industriously fill their pollen buckets, benefitting the flowers as well. Still others provide nectar for butterflies and serve as host plants for their caterpillars.

Thinking about it makes me happy! There’s no arguing over who’s prettier or clamoring to be something else, just flowers fulfilling their intended purpose, producing a beautiful garden.

Love

This morning’s sermon brought us to 1 Corinthians 13, often called the “love chapter” and frequently read at weddings. It’s actually a continuation of Paul’s admonishment of the Corinthians. Many of them were materially wealthy, and God had abundantly blessed them with spiritual gifts. However, they were misusing both in pursuit of status and recognition for themselves rather than serving one another and glorifying God.  

Love resulting from our union with Christ, characterized by the virtues outlined in verses 4 to 7, differs greatly from worldly notions of love. Likewise, our identity and value are determined by our relationship to our Savior, not on any scale the world uses to measure such things.

Thus secure in our position in Christ, may we embrace the gifts we’ve been given, using them to build up the church, benefit our brothers and sisters in the faith, and point others to the hope we have in Him.

Dear Lord, thinking about how happy it makes me to see the flowers, each contributing its unique beauty to my garden, helps me imagine the joy You must feel when each of Your children uses the gifts You’ve given us to glorify You by sharing Your love with those in our “gardens.” No boasting or striving, but gratefully serving out of who we are in Christ.

Father’s Day Reflections

/ Patsy Kuipers / Leave a comment

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.
Psalm 68:5

Fatherless

I’m thankful for the steadfast love of my ever-present heavenly Father, who provides us with earthly fathers, and reserves a special place in His heart for those whose fathers are no longer with them.

I joined the ranks of the fatherless three years ago. My dad lived to 92, so I was blessed to have him in my life for more than six decades. I know many, including my daughters, lose their fathers much earlier. No matter how old we are when our fathers die or what our relationship with them was like, their passing leaves a void. The space he once filled with tales, advice, and shared activities is now empty.

Except for our memories.

Earthly Father

I would like to say that Dad and I had a close relationship like the one I had with Mom, but that wasn’t the case. I will save that story for another day. Despite the challenges we faced, I knew Dad always had my back. He was my defender, protector, and provider. A few examples:

  • As a teen, I was studious, socially awkward, and not particularly attractive. On the few occasions I gathered up the courage to go to a school social, I spent most of my time on the sidelines, hoping someone would ask me to dance, though that rarely happened. If the band was still playing when Dad came to pick me up, he would ask me to dance.
  • Dad bought me my first car, a bright yellow VW Rabbit, and taught me to drive a stick shift. When I took it in for service, they didn’t treat me with the respect Dad thought I deserved. He called the service manager and made it clear he didn’t want his daughter treated that way again. I expect Dad used a few choice words, some I wouldn’t use, but he got the message across. When I showed up for service again, they knew I wasn’t just some random teenager. Dad’s clout was behind me.
  • Dad put a high priority on education. He paid for me to go to college, something his father wasn’t willing or able to do for him. Years later, when my daughters were born, he set up college funds for them.
  • When my husband died at 39, leaving me with two young daughters to raise, Mom and Dad graciously moved from their home in North Carolina to one just two miles from mine in Georgia. Having them close by provided the love and stability we would have sorely lacked without them.
  • Dad planned carefully and invested wisely, leaving an inheritance that not only makes my life more comfortable but also enables me to share with others, including his granddaughters and great-grandchildren.  

Heavenly Father

Although Dad was an imperfect father, as all fathers are, I have a perfect heavenly Father who shows great compassion to those who fear Him, including children and fathers alike. He knows how we are made and remembers that we are dust (Psalm 103:13-14). Furthermore, God holds a special place in His heart for orphans and widows and admonishes His people to care for them.[1]

Not sharing the same Biblical worldview and foundation of faith contributed to the distance between Dad and me. I longed for him to know the unconditional love of our heavenly Father, but I was careful not to push my beliefs on him. I learned early on that such an approach creates resistance, if not outright resentment. I prayed instead. In the last few weeks of Dad’s life, after nearly 50 years, God answered my prayers.

Though Dad’s faith was still the size of a mustard seed, I believe it became sight the moment he breathed his last and God welcomed him Home (Luke 17:6; 1 Corinthians 13:12). I rejoice in knowing I will see Dad again. Our relationship will be fully healed and restored because God has promised to make all things new (Revelation 21:5).

Until then, I will be grateful for the way God exhibited His care for me through my earthly father, who protected and provided for me.

[1] See, for example, Exodus 22:22; Deuteronomy 10:18, 24:19-21. 27:19; and Zechariah 7:9-10.

Selfless, Take 2

/ Patsy Kuipers / Leave a comment

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4

Whose Pace?

A recent Saturday morning found me in a familiar setting – waiting near the finish line of a race. Though the location has varied over the years, I’ve reveled in cheering on my daughters and granddaughters to finish strong in 5ks, 1-mile fun runs, and tot trots.

On this particular Saturday, my daughter, Mary, and her daughters, Lyla (12) and Emma (10), were running in a 5K to benefit a local charity. Though Emma has a lot of heart and enthusiasm, she usually completes a 5K by walking, running, and skipping, with Mary matching her pace.[1] But this time, Mary wanted to run the entire race, so her son, Joshua, planned to walk the course as Emma’s “sweeper.”

I kept checking the time clock, my gaze shifting between it and the course. As the minutes ticked by, I grew concerned. Even if she wasn’t keeping a PR pace, Mary should have finished. Then I saw her, rounding the corner with Emma. It turned out Emma didn’t want to risk being alone on the course, even though her brother was close behind. As they approached the finish, Emma sprinted across, leaving her mom behind. Mary graciously put Emma’s interests above her own and walked/ran the race with her, even though Emma made it clear she was going to cross the finish line first, which she did.

Imperishable Medals

Much to our delight, Emma came in first in her age group and was awarded a shiny medal for her efforts. When the winners in Mary’s age group were announced, my daughter and I exchanged a knowing look. If Mary had run the race as she’d planned, she, too, would have received a medal. Her willingness to accompany Emma cost her the medal, but Mary earned a better prize, namely her daughter’s confidence in her support.

When I saw her later, Mary mentioned that Emma said her medal belonged to both of them. I’m glad she recognized that and hope Emma will acknowledge and appreciate her mother’s sacrifices and care more often than not.

Mary wasn’t the only one who put someone else’s needs before her own. Lyla, a capable and accomplished runner, chose to run with a friend and even paused as they neared the finish line so they could cross together. That decision cost Lyla a medal, too, but her friend’s wide smile and warm embrace as they slowed to a stop were Lyla’s reward.

And Joshua faithfully walked the course, bringing up the rear in case anything happened to his little sister, though he would much rather have been at home helping his dad put the finishing touches on their entries for the BBQ contest later that day. By the time he finished, all of us were assembled at the finish line to cheer him across.

I’m proud of each one of them. They may not have received a tangible medal, but they made deposits into their heavenly accounts of imperishable treasures (Matthew 6:19-21).

Mothers are Like That

As I thought about the events surrounding the race, the phrase “mothers are like that” came to mind. I vaguely remembered it was from a commercial from my childhood. A quick Google search confirmed it was a 1963 commercial for Bayer’s children’s aspirin. A little boy named Mike went to see if his friend Josie could come out and play. When Josie’s mother said Josie wasn’t feeling well but should be better soon because she’d given her the aspirin, Mike said, “That’s what my mother gives me.” Josie’s mother replied, “That’s because she loves you. When you feel better, she feels better.” Her statement prompted the famous line, sweetly spoken by little Mike, “Mothers are like that. Yeah, they are.”

Taking that stroll down memory lane reminded me of one of Mom’s statements, “When you hurt, I hurt,” which in turn brought to mind a description I read soon after Mary was born: “Being a mother is like having your heart walk around in another person.”

A Greater Love

Becoming a mother helped me begin to understand God’s great love for me. Yet even the most selfless mother would stop short of sacrificing her child for another. The mere thought makes me shudder, yet that’s exactly what God did for us (John 3:16).

I’m not naive enough to believe all mothers are kind, caring, and selfless. If yours isn’t, remember that God loves you. If she is, remember that God loves you even more. In either case, God loves us so much that He sent His only Son, our selfless Savior, to die for us so we can be with Him forever. Remember!

Dear reader, if God blessed you with the gift of a godly mother, thank Him. And, if she’s still alive, be sure to thank her, too!

[1] Please see “Chief Cheerleader” for additional details:https://patsykuipers.com/2023/11/19/chief-cheerleader/

Selfless

/ Patsy Kuipers / Leave a comment

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

Missing Mom

Mother’s Day is next Sunday. The floral department at the grocery store I frequent is already filling with balloons, cards, and flowers for the occasion. No matter how prepared I think I am to face the cheerful display, the knowledge that I won’t be buying anything for Mom makes sadness well up as I pass by on my way to the bread aisle. You see, this will be my sixth Mother’s Day without her since she went to be with the Lord a few days before the holiday in 2021.

I was blessed to have a godly mother who was my best friend, life-long cheerleader, and prayer warrior. There are numerous adjectives I could use to describe Mom – petite, patient, kind, loving, giving – but the one that tops them all is selfless. Whenever I read the passage above from Philippians 2, I think of Mom.

A Servant Heart

When my husband died suddenly at the age of 39, leaving me with two young daughters to raise on my own, Mom and Dad graciously moved from North Carolina to a house two miles from mine in Georgia. Though Dad sometimes lamented the loss of what he thought their retirement years would be like, Mom never did. She wholeheartedly came alongside me to help raise Mary and Jessie. There was no, “Look at me! Aren’t I great for making this sacrifice?” Instead, when I would thank her and tell her that I didn’t know how I would have made it without her, she would reply, “I couldn’t have stood it if we’d stayed in North Carolina, knowing you and the girls were here by yourselves.”

Thus, my daughters and I, and years later my grandchildren, were blessed by her loving care and presence. A few examples:

  • When my daughters were tiny and spent the night with my parents, they would sometimes become fretful or afraid. Mom would comfort them, then lie down by their crib until she was sure they’d fallen back asleep.
  • When I was working full-time and traveling, Mom would occasionally clean my house so I could relax on the weekends. When my daughters were old enough, she enlisted their help during the summer, teaching them the importance of helping others.
  • Mom prepared countless homemade meals, not to mention pound cakes and cookies that she shared with friends, doctors, and service folks, including appliance repair techs, mechanics who worked on my parents’ cars, and emergency responders who worked to restore power in their neighborhood after Hurricane Hugo blew through Charlotte.
  • Whenever Mom shared something – fresh fruits and vegetables from the produce stand she and Dad frequented, fragrant flowers from her gardenia bush – she chose the best for the recipient rather than for herself.
  • Each time Mom accompanied me to spend the day with my grandchildren, she made sure to have a small surprise for them, ranging from stickers and coloring pages to a sweet or salty treat.

A Humble Heart

Mom had no aspirations of greatness. During her long career as a bank teller, she had opportunities to become a manager, but she was content to remain at the counter serving customers, some of whom would wait in her line even when other tellers were available.

Similarly, Mom was satisfied to serve at home, out of the spotlight, cheering her family on in their endeavors.

Ironically, “Eulogy for a Godly Mother”[1] is my most widely read post by far. I don’t know how much of the post people read, but I hope they read at least a few of “Mom’s Mottos” and decide to put some of them into practice. I smile, thinking about how much Mom’s influence may have spread through that article.

Our Savior’s Heart

After the Apostle Paul instructs his Philippian readers to put others’ interests before their own, he goes on to say:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5-8).

Mom was one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. Selfless and generous, she delighted in serving and giving to others. I think of her whenever I read Philippians 2:3-8. Mom humbly put others’ interests before her own. Though she never would have been bold enough to say, “Be imitators of me as I imitate Christ,” as the Apostle Paul did (1 Corinthians 11:1), nor did she hold herself up as a godly role model, she nonetheless set a beautiful example for me to follow.

The best way to honor her memory is to follow her, as she followed Jesus, the One who demonstrated ultimate selflessness. Though I often fall short, one of the greatest compliments anyone can pay me is to say that some aspect of my character resembles Mom’s.

Although Mom didn’t receive many worldly accolades, I know her reward in heaven is great. She stored up much heavenly treasure during her earthly life (Matthew 6:19-21). Her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren rise up and call her blessed (Proverbs 31:28). I will be forever grateful for the gift of a godly mother.

[1] https://patsykuipers.com/2021/05/09/eulogy-for-a-godly-mother/

Covenant Family

/ Patsy Kuipers / 2 Comments

So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.
Romans 12:5

Not only am I blessed to be part of a close-knit family of kinfolk, but I’m also blessed to be part of a covenant family that knows how to love well.

A Hard Day

Twenty-nine Valentine’s Days have come and gone since my husband and forever love, Ray, was last with me to celebrate. I never know how the holiday will affect me. Some years, I remain upbeat; others, I feel my partner’s absence so keenly that tears overtake me throughout the day. This year was one of the latter.

Despite my best efforts to stay focused on the blessing of sharing life and love with a godly husband for 13 years, my thoughts kept returning to the fact that he’s no longer here and to how much I lost when the Lord called him Home.

It didn’t help that I couldn’t find the last Valentine’s card Ray gave me, the one I pull out each year to remind me how he felt about us. I knew exactly where it was supposed to be, but I found only an empty envelope. Dreary weather and spending the day alone deepened my melancholy.

By the time I crawled into bed that night, I was downright dismal. Unfortunately, my mood didn’t improve while I slept. A text from my daughter saying they wouldn’t be at church made me consider not going either. After all, tears were still flowing easily, and there would be no hugs from my grandchildren to ease my loneliness.

But I went.

Corporate Worship

As my adult daughters will tell you from childhood experience, I don’t take skipping church lightly. In-person, corporate worship is a duty and a privilege, ordained by God. Not only are we to praise Him and be cleansed, fed, and renewed by His word, but we’re also to encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Simply being together, hearing one another’s voices raised in song, prayer, and praise, is encouraging (Colossians 3:16). I knew I had to get there. I had to be with my covenant family.

It certainly wasn’t the first time feeling low nearly kept me at home, but whenever I’ve made the effort to go, regardless of how I felt, I’ve never regretted it. Time and again, being with God’s people has reminded me that I’m not alone, ever, and has lifted me out of my sadness.

Last Sunday was no different. When first one sister in Christ and then another asked how I was, I answered honestly, “Not great.” Hugs followed my admission. One friend in particular didn’t shy away from the tears that flowed as I told her how hard it is to be without Ray, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day.

Love One Another

But God didn’t stop there. In His over-and-above way, He provided more love from my covenant family in the form of a cheerfully decorated bag filled with homemade cookies and cards from the youth.

As I thanked one of the youth leaders on my way out, she told me they’d encouraged the kids to empathize with the recipients of the treats, those in our congregation who no longer have their spouses, and that some had gone deep in expressing their sentiments. Such was the case with the young man who wrote the note in my card. He shared several pertinent verses (Psalm 68:5, Deuteronomy 31:6, and Matthew 28:20b), then added a personal message that included, “Your earthly half may be gone, but your heavenly One isn’t, nor will He ever be gone.”

By the time I got in my car to head home, my mood had completely changed. Adam isn’t the only one for whom solitude wasn’t good. God made us for community, and last Sunday He loved me well through my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Epilog

Unlike last week, I eagerly got ready to attend church this morning, anticipating being with my covenant family. I smiled when I saw that our Scripture reading included the following:

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near (Hebrews 10:24-25, emphasis mine).

It felt like an exclamation point to the gratitude I’d been feeling all week for the kindness I received, kindness that turned my tears into joy.

So, dear reader, show up! Maybe you’re the person who needs a hug, but more importantly, you might be the person God will use to give a hug to someone like me!

Christmas Tears

/ Patsy Kuipers / 2 Comments

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.
Revelation 21:4

Significant Losses

For most of my life, the happy anticipation of my birthday and Christmas filled the month of December. Even though I was born a few days before Christmas, Mom always made sure my special day didn’t get lost amidst the other holiday festivities. I was blessed to have her with me for 62 birthdays. She went Home in the spring of my 63rd year. By the time December rolled around, my 90-year-old father had a live-in caregiver to assist him after the stroke he suffered a few months after Mom passed.

If I could have, I would have fast-forwarded to January. Mom and I had so many treasured traditions, I didn’t feel like celebrating without her. Still, I went through the motions for my family’s sake. By the time my second Christmas without Mom rolled around, Dad was in an assisted living facility, and by the third, he’d joined Mom in the presence of Jesus.

I wondered if the December joys I experienced for so many years would ever return. Finally, last year I felt the stirrings of old, familiar anticipation, and this year I fully embraced the joys of the season.

Sometime Every Christmas, I cry.[1]

Nonetheless, my post-Christmas melancholy is almost as customary as the happy anticipation that precedes the holiday, so I shouldn’t have been surprised when it arrived the day after Christmas. Not only were the gifts given and family gatherings completed, but also the Facebook memories of Christmases past greased the rails of the downward emotional slope.

As I gazed through tear-filled eyes at photos of family feasts and gift exchanges when Mom and Dad were still with us, I remembered a comment one of my friends made several years ago. Even as we mourn the empty seats at our table, longing to be with our departed loved ones, Scripture assures us that there’s an empty seat waiting for us at the heavenly banquet (Revelation 19:6-9).

A Breath Away[2]

A character on a show I was watching recently died. As he neared the end of his life, the rapt look on his face, accompanied by a statement describing a vision of deceased loved ones, reminded me of a similar experience I had with Mom a few days before her passing. I stood by her bed, trying to calm her constant fidgeting, when she became quiet. A look of wonder stole over her face. She stared past me, smiled as if gazing around a room full of loved ones, long gone, and whispered, “Is that Ray? There you all are! It’s been a long time. Do you remember me?” The moment passed quickly, but it left an impression I’ll never forget.

Likewise, there was the conversation I had with Dad’s hospice nurse as we waited together in the wee hours of the morning for the undertaker to come.

“Did your dad tell you he’s been seeing your mom?”

“No, he didn’t, but it doesn’t surprise me. I told him she’d be waiting for him.”

Christmas Hope

I know, like me, many of you are missing loved ones this Christmas season, some of you much more recently bereaved than I am. But because of the Baby in the manger, whose birth we just celebrated, we can rest assured that our believing loved ones are safe at Home and there’s a place waiting for us (John 14:2-3).

We will join them one day because that Baby was the Word made flesh. He dwelt among us for a while, full of grace and truth (John 1:14), yet despised and rejected by men. Sinless, He was crushed for our transgressions (Isaiah 53:3, 5) so that we can be robed in His righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21), made perfect, fit to dwell with our high and holy God, who is also our Heavenly Father. He loved us so much that He sent His only Son to save us (John 3:16).

That good news isn’t just for December! The Christmas message infuses every day with joy and hope.

So take heart, dear ones. The separation is only temporary. Each passing day brings us closer to our real Home, where we will join those who have gone before us, rejoicing in the presence of our gracious and merciful King.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:1-4)

[1] Inspired by lyrics from “Sometime Every Christmas,” by Michael W. Smith.

[2] Inspired by lyrics from “To Where You Are,” by Josh Groban.

Sixty Years

/ Patsy Kuipers / 2 Comments

Love never ends.
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:8, 13

October 25th marked sixty years since my beloved maternal grandfather, PaPa, went to be with the Lord. Even though I was only six at the time, I clearly remember the moment Mom received the news. We were watching an after-school TV show while she ironed. The phone rang, Mom answered, listened briefly, and then wailed, “No, not Daddy!”

Across the intervening decades, I’ve often marveled at the fact that I still feel PaPa’s love so deeply. Remembering his kind, gentle demeanor and the acceptance and security I  felt in his presence moves me to tears. Such emotion, despite the fact I didn’t get to spend lots of time with him in the not-quite seven years we were on this earth together.

Since becoming a grandmother fourteen years ago, a desire to love my grandchildren equally well has joined my wonder at the loving bond between PaPa and me, which has transcended the grave.

Cherished Memories

Although I don’t have many distinct memories of time spent with PaPa, I cherish the ones I do have. I recall walking hand in hand with him to the small general store, stopping by the post office to check Box 73 for mail, and waiting for the train to come by so we could wave to the conductor and count the cars.

But my favorite activity was eating apples with him. PaPa would sit me on his lap, producing an apple in one hand and his pocketknife in the other. He’d cut a slice for me, then a slice for himself. The process would continue back and forth until we finished the tasty fruit. For as long as I can remember, I’ve eaten an apple almost every day. And when I do, I always think of my grandfather.

Shared Memories

My mom’s recollections and those of several of my cousins, who were blessed to live in the same community as my grandfather, supplement and reinforce mine.

Mom was the baby of her family, the youngest of eight siblings, and her father’s darling. He called her “Babe,” warmed her clothes by the fire before she went to school on cold mornings, and waited for the bus to drop her off in the afternoons.

Mom recounted how her mother, sterner in her demeanor, would occasionally delegate the task of disciplining a wayward child to my grandfather. He would take the offending party outside, beyond her view, and tell the child to cry out while he used the switch on some inanimate object instead of their legs.

One cousin shared how PaPa would bring her paper dolls from the general store, while another recalled how he reveled in helping PaPa in his garden. Still another has memories similar to mine of sharing apples, slice by slice, sitting in his lap.

The common denominator in all our reminiscences? The unconditional love we felt in PaPa’s presence.

Building Memories

As I reflect on our shared memories, it’s clear that none of them involve grand events, expensive vacations, or exotic destinations. Sharing life and simple rituals – like eating apples, counting train cars, and working together in the garden – feeling safe and accepted, have connected generations of our family.

I’m blessed and thankful that my grandchildren live close by and that I’ve seen them several days most weeks since they were born. Even though we have made memories during beach trips and other wonderful vacations, we treasure our own little rituals, including sharing apples and gardening. I pray that they, too, feel safe and accepted in my presence and will be able to feel my love long after I’m gone.

Shared Faith

The most significant gift PaPa shared was his faith. I’ve wondered whether he was the first in his family to trust in Jesus, or whether he was following in the footsteps of his forefathers. Regardless, PaPa was a faithful member of the small rural church within sight of his house, where he served as a deacon. Memories of attending church with him, going to Sunday school in the same room Mom did when she was a child, and visiting with relatives in the churchyard after the service are lovingly tucked in my mind beside those I shared earlier.

Carrying on our family’s legacy of faith is my highest calling as a grandmother. I endeavor to weave God into our conversations and experiences (Deuteronomy 6:6-7), pointing my grandchildren to the One Who created this great big, beautiful world and loved them enough to send His Son to die for them (John 3:16). It is a blessing and a privilege to come alongside their parents as they raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). And what a joy to worship side-by-side on Sunday mornings, our voices united in prayer and song!

Promised Reunion

I don’t get to visit the humble graveyard where my grandparents and many other maternal relatives are laid to rest nearly as often as I’d like. My husband, Ray, is resting there, too, near my sister, Mary Jeannette, who died in infancy. Mom took her place between them three years ago, leaving a space for me. Dad joined them most recently.

When I do visit the cemetery, I gaze at the tombstones, each representing someone I love and long to see again, pondering how glorious it will be when we all rise to new life, a life that will never end (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). For the love we share now is but a shadow of the Love that awaits when the Everlasting Arms reach out to embrace us and welcome us Home (1 Corinthians 13:4-13).

Until then, I’ll remain thankful for familiar rituals, like eating apples with my grandchildren, and rock-solid faith, lovingly shared, that can reach across the decades, blessing one generation after another.

O Lord, how great are the gifts of familial love and a heritage of faith! And what a privilege it is to tell the younger generations about Your ceaseless love and faithfulness (Psalm 78:1-4). Please help us to be steadfast in doing so, so that they, too, may know the joy and peace of belonging to Your family.

The Whole Truth

/ Patsy Kuipers / Leave a comment

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
    teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are the God of my salvation;
    for you I wait all the day long.
Psalm 25:4-5

Assuming the Worst

I removed the receipt from the gas pump and gave it a quick glance before putting it in my wallet. 18 gallons? It seemed like a lot, since I can only fit 11 gallons in my similarly sized CR-V when it’s nearly empty. Maybe the rental car had a bigger tank? Regardless, I needed to get ready to meet relatives for dinner in less than an hour, so I let it go.

Two days later, I was back at home reviewing the receipts from my trip, including the rental car statement. I’d added more gas a few miles before reaching the airport and returned the car with a full tank, which was duly noted – 11 gallons upon leaving and 11 gallons upon return.

Woah! How had I managed to put 18 gallons of gas in a car with an 11-gallon tank? Was the pump wrong? Had I been taken advantage of?

Incensed at the possibility, I tried calling the station – no answer. Then I tried calling my brother-in-law to see if he knew the owners since I’d been visiting a small town where everyone knows pretty much everyone. No answer there either.

I turned to Google to find out the tank capacity of the rental car’s make and model – 14.5 gallons maximum. I spent a considerable amount of time trying to make sense of the situation, time that I could have devoted to other post-vacation chores.

Fuming, I went for a walk, thinking the worst. Had no one else in the tiny town fallen prey to the faulty pump? I decided I would try calling another of my brothers-in-law, one with years of car experience. Hopefully, he would have an explanation for the discrepancy. Then again, it was “only” $20. Perhaps I should just let it go instead of bothering anyone. But it was the principle of it, as Mom used to say. Right is right!

After my walk, I focused on more productive activities and didn’t get around to making the call to my other brother-in-law. I’m thankful I didn’t and equally thankful that no one answered my previous calls either.

Pertinent Details

Why? Because later that evening, I re-examined the receipt. The total gallons weren’t the only thing that didn’t add up. The timestamp was earlier than I’d stopped at the station, and the credit card listed wasn’t mine. Armed with all the details, I sheepishly realized that the person who used the pump before me hadn’t taken their receipt, leaving it for me to grab, which meant I left mine to flap in the stiff South Dakota breeze.

When the correct charge showed up on my credit card statement the next day, a simple calculation confirmed my suspicions. The rental car took 11.8 gallons of gas. The pump was accurate. No one had tried to take advantage of me.

If only I hadn’t gotten fixated on one puzzling detail and been consumed by negative thoughts, I would have saved myself a lot of time and worry.

Doubting Others

But this was just a gas station receipt. What about times when I’ve made a snap judgment about a relationship or an individual, based on incomplete information? I let my imagination run wild, assuming the worst instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt. As chastened as I was about the receipt, thinking about instances where I haven’t shown others the grace I would like to receive leaves me truly remorseful. I wish I had expressed confidence in their character, admitting I didn’t know the whole story, instead.

Doubting God

Let’s take it a step further. As bad as it is to waste time fretting about a receipt that was correct all along, or maligning a fellow image-bearer, it’s even worse when I let an event or circumstance sway my perception of God or lead me to doubt His goodness. Sadly, Scripture provides ample examples that I’m not the first of God’s children to do so. Consider these three scenarios:

  • Exodus 16 tells us that in the second month after God freed the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, they were hangry, so hangry in fact that they wished He’d left them in Egypt to die by their pots full of meat instead of dying of starvation in the wilderness (Exodus 16:3). As someone who deals with hypoglycemia, I understand getting irritable when your blood sugar drops, but God’s people allowed the rumbling of their empty stomachs to eclipse their memories of His miraculous deliverance. Despite their grumbling, God provided them with abundant food (Exodus 16:35), though not before disciplining them for their complaining (Numbers 11).
  • After two years of traveling and experiencing God’s provision, His people neared the Promised Land. Instead of trusting God’s pledge to give the land over to them, they decided to send spies, one from each tribe, into the land to scope things out first. When they returned from their mission, the spies confirmed that the land was indeed flowing with milk and honey. Still, ten of the twelve emphasized the size and strength of the inhabitants instead of the land’s bounty and God’s promise, swaying the decision of the assembly, which refused to proceed. The fateful decision and its dire consequences are recorded in Numbers, chapters 13 and 14.  
  • 1 Samuel 17 recounts another instance of God’s people cowering because of a giant. This time, it was Goliath, champion of the Philistines, who was parading around taunting King Saul and the members of his army. Then a young shepherd boy arrived on the scene. Unlike Saul and his men, David had unwavering faith in God’s ability to deliver them (1 Samuel 17:37). Moreover, he knew God would avenge His name (1 Samuel 17:46-47).

The Bigger Picture

So, dear readers, are you fixated on a detail, believing a partial story, or listening to someone’s subjective account of a situation, allowing it to influence your opinion of a fellow believer or draw you away from what you know to be true about God?

If so, endeavor to look at the whole story recorded in the Bible, the one that tells us God loved us so much that He sent His only Son to save us from our sins by paying the penalty we owed (John 3:16). Having done that, He will work everything else out for our good and not withhold any lesser thing from us (Romans 8:28,32).

Remembering all God has done for us, may we extend the same grace and compassion to others, withholding judgment when we’re not fully informed or qualified to evaluate the situation.

Dear Lord, it’s so easy for us to get waylaid by details that draw our attention away from the great big story of Your love and care for us. Please help us to dismiss the distractions that threaten to derail us. Instead, may we keep our hearts and minds focused on all we know to be true about Your goodness and faithfulness.