He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.
Revelation 21:4

Mourning

Inevitably, when the calendar turns to April, an undercurrent of melancholy seeps into my soul, regardless of what’s going on in my life. The seeds of sorrow were planted in the past and ripen into tears this time of year. I’ve lost several dear relatives in the month of April, including a great-aunt, an uncle, and a sister-in-law.

The most life-changing April losses were the deaths of my husband and mother. On April 19, 1997, Ray, barely 39 years old, left for work on a beautiful spring day, had a fatal heart attack, and never returned home, leaving me to raise our two young daughters on my own. On April 20, 2021, my 89-year-old mother fell, broke her hip, and passed into Glory ten days later after suffering unimaginable pain and frequent delirium.

The day Mom broke her hip was my dad’s 90^th birthday. He joined her in the presence of Jesus in the wee hours of July 12, 2023, but no longer being able to celebrate his April birthday or watch the last round of the Masters golf tournament with him, as was our tradition, adds to the angst of this month.  

Never Forsaken

Those direct, just-the-facts descriptions of the bereavements belie the emotional punch each one packs. Every year, I’m intentional in remembering my last days with Ray and my first days without him. The numbness, inability to think clearly, and wondering how I’d ever make it without him colored my days. Now, in looking back, I see that God never left me then or in all the years since (Psalm 68:5).

I don’t spend as much time contemplating Mom’s final days. Being in so much pain was agonizing for her. Seeing her in so much pain was heartbreaking for those of us who kept vigil by her bedside. But I know we weren’t the only ones keeping watch over Mom. Her suffering Savior had endured even more, understood the pain, and never forsook her (Isaiah 53:4; Deuteronomy 31:6).

Joy

Despite the melancholy memories associated with the fourth month, April is also full of hope and joy. Here in Georgia, spring has arrived. The plants have woken up from their winter slumber. Trees are bedecked in fresh leaves, azaleas and dogwoods are blooming, and more flowers are popping up daily. It’s as if all creation is praising the Creator and mirroring the Resurrection story (Psalm 96:11-12).

April is also the month we usually celebrate Easter. Some years, my intentional reminiscences of Ray’s last days and Jesus’ final week overlap. Such is the case this year. As I remember my closing days with Ray, I will be thinking about all Jesus endured for us. A week that began with the Triumphal Entry quickly degenerated into betrayal, unjust trials, condemnation, beatings, mocking, and, ultimately, a gruesome death. The 28^th anniversary of Ray’s Homegoing falls on the day before Easter, the glorious day that Jesus rose from the grave and changed everything forever (Matthew 28:6).

This week, as I engage in my annual tradition of remembering departed loved ones, I will rejoice in knowing that death doesn’t get the final say. The separation from God and beloved family members and friends is only temporary because Jesus paid the penalty we deserved so that we might spend eternity with Him.

So, I will shed some tears this week. Some will be borne of sorrow, some of wonder at God’s great love in sending His Son to die for us (John 3:16). I will revel in the beauty all around me, knowing it is but a glimpse of the beauty that awaits. And I will endeavor to add my hallelujahs to the chorus of praise because He is Risen! He is Risen indeed, and we are risen with Him! (Ephesians 2:6)