Hope

In a moment, take 2

/ Patsy Kuipers / 1 Comment

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,  a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

The last few months have brought several life-changing moments that, in turn, have led to times shaded by weeping and mourning for me and people close to me. Yet I know there will be times when laughter and dancing predominate again and so I want to reflect upon some past moments which led to great joy.

One such moment occurred on Thanksgiving Day, 2010. Our extended family was sitting around the table, chatting amiably, having enjoyed a delicious meal of smoked turkey and our favorite side dishes. My daughter, Mary, said she and my son-in-law, Justin, had news to share. My heart leapt! Could it be the announcement of an impending birth? Sure enough, Mary passed around an ultrasound photo and confirmed we could look forward to the arrival of a new family member the following July. At that point, Baby was roughly the size of a blueberry, but my eyes still welled up with happy tears knowing there was a new person to love.

The weeks passed and sometime toward the end of January, I got a phone call from Mary and Justin letting me know Baby was a boy.  Later that evening, Mary texted, “We’re going to name him Joshua Patrick.” In that instant, I fell in love with him! Not that I hadn’t been happily anticipating his advent since first peering at the ultrasound photo and trying to figure out exactly where the baby was, but now I knew who I was waiting for and my heart prepared a place for him. Little did I know then how much joy and love Joshua would add to my life or that I would lose my job a few days after receiving Mary’s text, making it possible to spend time with him on a regular basis and bond with him in a way I wouldn’t have been able to if I’d been employed full-time. He became my study buddy from his earliest days, sitting in his little seat by the table while I reviewed notes for plant ID classes and watching intently from his stroller as I collected weed specimens for my pest notebook when we went for walks.

Fast forward to April 20th, 2013 and another family gathering, my dad’s birthday celebration. It, too, would be punctuated by a joyful moment, as Mary and Justin informed us we could anticipate a very special Christmas present – another new family member! This time however, instead of thinking of the baby in gender-neutral terms, I consistently thought of “her” from the start. My premonition was confirmed at Joshua’s birthday party in July when Mary announced Baby was indeed a girl. I was glad Mary had shared the selected name a few days before the party – “IF it’s a girl, Mom, we plan to name her Lyla Ray in memory of Dad” – since even typing that sentence now causes bittersweet tears to spring to my eyes. Similar tears of joy mingled with sorrow flowed when I first held Lyla and longed for her grandfather to be there to cuddle her too.

Today Joshua is a boisterous, intelligent 3-year old with an amazing vocabulary. He assigns me roles in his elaborate make-believe scenarios and warms my heart with detailed recounting of his Sunday school lessons. Lyla is an eight-month old bundle of smiles and determination, happily exploring her world and delighting me with tiny hands that reach for me when I liberate her from her crib after nap time or bend to steady her as she pulls herself up.

Amidst the sorrows and losses of this life, God blesses us with life-changing moments of joy as well as tender occasions that give us glimpses of what we not only long for but are assured of because of another birth announcement 2000 years ago:  “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:10-11) That baby grew to be a man of sorrows who was familiar with suffering. He took our flesh upon himself. He understands how hard this life can be and encouraged his followers, saying,“In this world you will have trouble. But be of good cheer! I have overcome the world.” Furthermore, He’s promised to never leave us or forsake us and even now He’s preparing a place for us where there will be no more loss or pain or grief. And so I treasure the moments of joy and love and tenderness we’re allowed to experience here. They remind me of the time when every tear will be wiped away and we will rejoice forever in the presence of the One who loves us more than we can imagine.

Thoughts on Romans 8:32

/ Patsy Kuipers / 1 Comment

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32

Commenting on this verse in his book “Future Grace”, pages 112-113 and 114 (Multnomah Press, 2012), John Piper says:

“He did not spare his Son.  And therefore it is impossible that he should spare us the promise for which the Son died — he will with him give us all things.  What a truth!  Giving us all things is the easy thing! Think on that every time you fear being denied something that would be good for you.  You think it is a hard thing.  You see many obstacles.  It looks impossible.  At that discouraging moment think about his heavenly logic.  Giving you what you need is the easy part.  And the hard part is already done.  Creating the world and running it for the good of his people is a relatively easy thing for God to do compared to handing over his Son to ridicule and torture.  But he did it.  And now all future grace is not only sure; it is easy . . . The great promise of future grace, guaranteed in the logic of Romans 8:32, is that nothing will ever enter your experience as God’s child that, by God’s sovereign grace, will not turn out to be a benefit to you.  This is what it means for God to be God, and for God to be for you, and for God to freely give you all things with Christ.”

And Susannah Spurgeon in a compilation of her devotions, “Free Grace and Dying Love”, page 3 (The Banner of Truth Trust, 2006), writes:

“‘He that spared not his own Son.’  He gave his most precious treasure; could he withhold any lesser good from you?  He has given you pounds; will he refuse you pence? . . . ‘How shall he not with him also freely give us all things?’  Think well my heart, what ‘all things’ mean to you! . . . All spiritual blessings, rich and precious, are laid up for you in this divine storehouse . . . There is not a need or desire of your inner life which cannot be triumphantly met by faith’s unwavering challenge, ‘How shall he not?’  Nor is there a necessity of your temporal state which cannot equally claim the blessing of possessing ‘all things’ in Christ.”

My heart is heavy this morning and in need of reassurance.  These quotes remind me that nothing is impossible for God, nor will He withhold any good or necessary thing from me. Therefore, it seems reasonable to conclude if He is withholding something it must not be best or needful, at least not at this moment in my life.

Over the years, God has given me glimpses of his truth in some rather mundane situations. As I typed the last couple of sentences, one such episode came to mind. I’d been to the store and was putting the purchased provisions away. More specifically, at the moment this particular insight came, I was placing packages of toilet paper in my young daughters’ bathroom closet – can’t get much more mundane than that! I thought, “Mary and Jessie don’t have to worry about having things available when they need them. I make sure whatever they need is on hand.” And then I realized, “I don’t have to worry either. Everything I’ll ever need is already in God’s ‘closet’ and He’ll make it available as needed.” Furthermore, if I, as a finite, imperfect human parent know how to give good gifts to my children, I can certainly count on my perfect, infinite heavenly Father to give good gifts to me. (Matthew 7:11 and Luke 11:13)

And so, with the Psalmist, I’ll say, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:11)

Working all things together for good

/ Patsy Kuipers / 1 Comment

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

This is one of my go-to verses, one I turn to repeatedly for reassurance. Having made my profession of faith almost 40 years ago, I have plenty of life experiences that confirm the veracity of this verse. Even when things are bleak, even when I don’t understand, even when I can’t see how good could possibly come from a given situation or series of events, God is at work to accomplish what will be most glorifying to him and most beneficial to me. Following is one such example.

I was blessed to be continually employed by a large corporation for just over 30 years. I had an interesting and challenging job and a good salary and benefits package, critically important when I became the sole source of support for my daughters after my husband, Ray, died. As with anything in life, my job had its ups and downs over the years, but things took a downward turn the last year I worked and didn’t recover. I was assigned to a new manager. In a time when layoffs were happening on a regular basis and with two children of her own to support, I began to feel like she wanted to make sure she was the last woman standing. Bit by bit, my role was diminished. I was left out of meetings, told I could no longer travel to visit customers (some of whom I’d called on for almost 20 years), and wasn’t given meaningful work to do. I became increasingly frustrated. And I was ANGRY!

By the time the July 4th holiday approached, I’d been working for the new manager for almost seven months. As was often the case, I took the week of the 4th off. Attempting to regain some perspective, I spent most of my vacation reading my Bible, praying, journaling and working in my yard. Gradually, as the week passed, God reminded me He, not my manager, was in control. When I returned to work, the situation remained unchanged, but I tried to stay focused on the truth that God was indeed in control. I continued to pray for wisdom. Was God allowing things to become so miserable I’d leave or did He want me to remain and be a “life-giver” in a difficult environment, learning patience and humility along the way?

The answer came on January 26, 2011. My annual review was scheduled for that afternoon and things had gotten so bad I told my family I fully expected to be terminated or put on probation. I sat across the table from my manager and her boss as she said, “I know you’re expecting to have your review, but you won’t be having it because your job has been eliminated.” My first thought was, “This is really happening”, my second was, “Thank you, Lord, for giving me a black and white answer.” I turned in my badge, my computer, my keys. And just like that, a 30-year career was over. No retirement lunch. No goodbyes. No celebrations.

God had other plans. Over the years since Ray died,  as I cared for the beautiful garden he started, God was quietly, tenderly nurturing a new dream in me. A few months before my job was eliminated, I checked out the website of a local technical school while I sat in my cube eating lunch. When I read through the class descriptions for the horticulture program, my desire to take those courses was so strong I wrote on a sticky note: “My dream: Environmental Horticulture Diploma, Horticulturist Specialty”. I stuck it in the back of my planner, thinking it was unlikely, but treasuring my dream nonetheless. A mere two days after my job was eliminated I contacted the admissions office at Chattahoochee Tech and started the process of enrolling. I received my diploma eighteen months later.

Not only did God take the pain of losing my job and work it for good, He did far more than I could ask or imagine. Going back to school was an amazing, unexpected gift and having a more flexible schedule allowed me to spend time on a regular basis with my first grandchild, Joshua, who was born in July 2011. He became my study buddy from his earliest days. I delight in telling him about plants and, as he grows up, I look forward to telling him about his very special grandfather and God’s faithfulness to me and to our family.

My diploma with original sticky note attached.

My diploma with original sticky note attached.

Consider it pure joy

/ Patsy Kuipers / Leave a comment

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:2-3

It was February 1998 and I was feeling anything but joyful. Ten months before, my beloved husband, Ray, had died of a massive heart attack a few weeks after his 39th birthday. Even though I was a rational person and knew all-too-well the details of what happened, on some level I maintained a protective mantle of denial. I couldn’t accept or fathom how he could go to work one sunny spring Saturday and never return home to me and our two young daughters. But bit by bit the reality dripped into my soul, creating an underlying sadness that colored many of my days.

In preparing for Ray’s funeral, I wrote a letter to him which one of our pastors read during the service. Amongst other comments I stated he’d not only left a lasting legacy in the lives of our daughters, but also in the beauty of our garden. You see, Ray had a horticulture degree and he planted many interesting things in our yard. He would tell me about the special plants he selected and teach me their names. Although he didn’t eschew better-known plants like pansies and daffodils, he was interested in having unique items as well. When several of his horticulture colleagues paid a visit and walked the garden with me after Ray died, oohing and ahhing over a number of specimens, I took note all over again how special that part of his legacy was. I also recognized how important it was for me to try to learn how to take care of it, otherwise it would only be a matter of time before it was gone.

And so that February day found me outside preparing to remove the blanket of leaves that still enshrouded the planting beds, with an aching in my heart as I longed for Ray and wished he was there to remove those leaves. As I started clearing the beds, I noticed a number of the perennials Ray planted were beginning to emerge from the soil. Seeing those plants and knowing they had persevered through the cold, dark winter gave me a glimmer of hope. If they could make it through that stark season, maybe I could survive my season of darkness.

Little did I know, gardening would become my passion and would provide many moments of hope and healing as well as a very real connection to Ray. Not only has God faithfully provided for me and my family since Ray’s death, He has ministered to me over and over again through the beauty of his creation. While “playing in the dirt”, I’ve been reminded of his promises, seen tangible examples of Scriptural principles and found solace for my soul.

This blog is born of a desire to share some of what I’ve learned spiritually and horticulturally. I hope you’ll come back to the garden with me.

 

One of several varieties of daffodils Ray planted and the earliest to bloom. They come back year after year, a cheerful reminder of him!

One of several varieties of daffodils Ray planted and the earliest to bloom. They come back year after year, a cheerful reminder of him!